You need time for yourself.
Nobody's company is more valuable than your own. I meet many people, usually young, who get offended if their partner suggests time off. We're not talking about time off that means "we were on a break!" , we're talking about spending friday night each to their own. To be even more prosaic, I think the inspiration for this article partially found me at fuck o'clock in the morning, just as I was falling asleep, when Carrie & Big's argument came to mind- is it OK to spend 2 days off their marriage per week? I think it is.
As I have previously recently stated, to me the most important thing in one's social life is to be comfortable in your own skin, to be self-sufficient. You then can enjoy your social interractions that much more because they are not a necessity, but a bonus. The next step up the ladder of the metaphorical internal satisfaction is self-sufficiency when you're with others. The free spirited young lady with a heart of a single promiscuous gal that I am, the thought of being monogamous or tied down in any way gives me an itch. (yes, an even more irritating one than the itch that comes with promiscuity, I know you thought about it too!) Luckily for both of us, in practice, being in a relationship with my current partner is easier than I had expected & I am convinced that this is in no small part due to mutual honesty about needs & expectations. We spent a lovely holiday, which meant 3 weeks this summer of 24/7 contact and given that we've only been together for a few months, that's a lot. We were happy to give each other space but I hear most couples have a hard time doing it.
I wonder: why is it that we often get offended when instead we should embrace the possibility to spend time with ourself, to do what we want, to decompress, to be quiet, to be loud, to have our PMS undisturbed or to watch a game without the numbingly stupid question "So... what's an offside?"...
To me, having my space is an absolute necessity. This is how I recharge my batteries, and if I don't manage to get my "alone" time, I get grumpy like most men do when they're hungry. My need for personal space doesn't change with my relationship status, I need the time to take care of myself & do my silly favourite things, and this is why it is called personal. It is not called personal only when we are single and it isn't a way to kill time because no-one will f*ck us, it is personal time for just you because this is the time to discover new interests, read, learn, develop. Learning is not a privilege of the kids, it's an exploration that lasts a lifetime and, apart from the obvious advantages, it also means that it makes you an even more attractive person to be around.
You're the center of your world, this is the only way it can be, and in order for you to have the energy to be smiling during your day, you need to make sure you spoil yourself & smile to yourself first.
R.
5 comments:
Time alone away from a partner can do one of two things, It can either give a well needed break or breed obsession. If in a relationship there is distrust, or jealousy then time alone breeds insecurity or suspicion...
On the other hand, time alone can stop a relationship going stale, It can give a retrospective upon time together as well as appreciating the other partner more.
Maybe these points are the reasons why long distance relationships can either last or crash and burn.
Either road, a break (not the ross and rachel kind) is a good way of maintaining a relationship as well as not neglecting yourself and your other relationships.
I agree! And how i love the fact that you recognised my Ross and Rachel quote! :D
Yes, a break can play with your mind, but that only means that the relationship is not very stable anyway- so either fix it, or leave, but a healthy relationship feeds off breaks. Mostly, i advertise the balance. Nothing that is going in one direction, in the same manner, is good- you need to make stops, to re-evaluate, to dance back and forth, because otherwise you're doomed to apathy and nothing is as destructive as apathy. And before you can ever be happy with anyone-friends or partners, you have to be happy.
I agree to an extent, but friends and partners help make a person, a life complete and therefore are an essential part of happiness. I dont think you can be happy and content without knowing you have a full and fulfilled life.
I think that being happy in your own company is essential to happiness in life, but that happiness is being content with your own life, which means having those friends and relationships.
I remember someone saying the worst thing to happen would be to die alone, so long as you know the people are there for you and you for them one can feel true happiness.
Something's probably really messed up with me, cos last year when a former boyfriend said that if i continued to be so arrogant, i'd probably die alone (nice guy, eh?), i said "good, it sounds like a comforting prospect". And i meant it. We are not alone but we walk alone, and we'll die alone even if we are surrounded by our loved ones. There's nothing wrong with it, but as far as death goes, it's an intimate moment, of sorts. So, regardless of the actual company, you die alone and that's the only way it should be, me thinks.
Of course your loved ones make you happy but they can only really do that if you're happy with yourself. If you feel like a dump, nothing thay say can really change that.
'is still very affected a few days later, after seeing "I am afraid I will end up alone" written in grafitti'
The basis of being happy in ones own company is not being dependant on others or people being dependant on you, but being happy with others and being able to reflect upon good memories and relationships.
when alone, i smile at the time in the summer of 2008 i stayed awake the whole night talking to someone i trust and could share my thoughts and crazy theories with, these memories are part of the basis of my happiness. Without memories and relationships to fall back on I believe its difficult to be happy, alone.
Post a Comment