I don't udnerstand what is so wrong with offending people?
Remember, it's just words. If you feel that you were judged unfairly by someone you barely know, then their words don't matter because they have no way of knowing what you really are like. If these words hurt and you have a problem with someone, have the self-respect to deal with it and talk to them. Or have the selfconfidence to let it go.
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I have two stories to tell today and I will ask for your opinion in the end.
Story 1:
First week of university. Two students meet- one is religious, the other one is an atheist. They get along and create a lovely friendship, despite their differences. One day the religious student, let's call him Joe, says:
-I think you're a great guy, Sam, but I think that you are going to Hell because you don't believe in God.
I am not being funny when I say I don't see how that could be offensive. When you become friends with someone, you know a few things about them and discover more on a daily basis. If it suits you, you stay; if it doesn't, you leave. To be offended by someone's beliefs of which you knew right from the start, is hypocrisy. To ask them not to say what you know is their opinion is hypocrisy and also being a bad friend. Equally, i imagine, for a religious person it is difficult to be friends with someone who they strongly believe will go to Hell. I am sure it also poses some moral questions- ""OK, this person is my friend, and I have seen them to be a good, morally right person who cares for others and attempts to do the right thing just as much as I do although they sleep in on sunday, and I don't."
But the point is not even a religious one anymore, merely it was a religious debate that made me think about it. Why are people so affraid of being offended? It's quite simple really- you hear something that offends you, and you are offered with two choices: it is insignificant, so you move on, or it is significant so you tackle it. How? You talk to the person who offended you, and depending on variety of factors like "did they intend to hurt me", "are they close to me", "what are the consequences?", you choose how to tackle the offence- talking, shouting, revenge, bitch slap, set them on fire, call them names, shoot their dog, or tell them they will rot in Hell. Whatever, your business. But why on earth do offenses matter so much?
Story 2:
I was recently in a club where, how shall I put this diplomatically, I saw some girls who looked below the average intelligence & seemed to be happy to perform services of sexual nature in exchange for material benefits. For the thicker ones, that was "skanky hos". I shared this opinion with a friend, and unfortunately I was later told they heard me. Trust me, this is a low moment for me to share this, as I did feel very badly about it, especially after I was told they were friends of friends. I learned my lesson- next time talk quieter and do not assume that just because it's a club, people don't hear anything. My point being, the ladies (i still don't know anything on the question of their integrity but that's beside the point) felt offended. 100% fair enough. They then complained to their friend, who complained to my friend, who asked me if that was true. This is in no way excuse for my mean behaviour, but if they felt so strongly about it, they should have come to me and said "Why are you being mean to people you don't know?" That would have leveled me with the ground and I would have felt even worse about being mean as they would have a point. Instead they chickened out.
Am I right or were they wrong? Or were they right and I was wrong?
