Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road? Because, in a relationship, you have to meet halfway.

My expertise may lie elsewhere but, from my understanding, what shapes a relationship, be it intimate or friendly, is comfort.

You, first of all & by default, have to be comfortable with yourself. Single or committed, you have to accept the swiss-cheese-orange-peel skin on your bum and the fact that, yes!, you will become like your mother. [should you be lucky, she's cool. If you're not lucky, then...tough shit.] I am a firm believer that you can never be truly happy unless you can accept that a partner is only a cherry on top of the colourful, multiflavoured ice-cream that your persona is. A partner is not someone who completes you. You're not someone's half, you're a whole self-sufficient person, and I wish more people would understand it. You think I am wrong? Try to enjoy sex while thinking about how big your tummy is, or ask your boy whether he thinks your ass looks fat in those jeans, and then tell me- how can you ever be comfortable with them, if you don't love the person they love, i.e. you? 

I'll put it simply- if you don't love you, why the hell would anyone else love you!?


Only then can you learn to be comfortable with others and their flaws. Face it, nobody is perfect, and no, you're not [a] nobody. Moving on from the mediocre wordplay, it is so much easier to accept that your partner snores, has funny toes, wears animal print clothing, or has different hobbies to yourself, if you've already had to accept the imperfections of someone much more important- you.


I find comfort in a third place in relationships- the comfort to challenge your partner. It's easy to be comfortable & snuggly when you're watching a film together on a fat, cold night in. It's not so easy to be still comfortable when you receive a challenge by someone so close. Bear in mind, a challenge may be positive- the inspiration to want to develop yourself, to read more, to work more...to be monogamous, in my case, and to cut down the smoking, in my partner's case. Whatever it may be. A challenge may be aggressively phrased in the question:"why so arrogant today, biatch?" Either way, a challenge may not always be something one should rise to, but sure as hell, in a healthy relationship you have to be comfortable with the idea of confrontation, you cannot be afraid to have the talks that really matter. 


It is comforting to know, though, that if you have built the trust, you'll have the luxury of being accepted just as you are, by yourself first, and by others, second. WIth such a strong foundation, a healthier & more comfortable life for you is a step away.