I am not a fan of super-hero movies but recently I've been craving them a little. A craving just as bizarre and inexplicable as my other recent one- salads. However, if something is worth doing, it's worth overdoing, so I sat down to watch Avengers, which everybody, fan of the genre or not, has been telling me is great and the best one of them all. OK. I am 42 mins in and my opinion is
This movie is great!
It's so indescribably BAD, that you're guaranteed 2h 17 mins of laughter!
The dialogue is clumsy, predictable, self-entitled and taking itself seriously, uses every cliché in the book, and it's an insult to the intelligence of anyone above the age of 12. When Samuel Jackson drops voice and "super"-seriously says "As of right now, we are at war!", I did actually laugh out loud, despite the fact that every movement I make causes much pain to my whole body. It was still worth it. Second favourite moment so far was the alien sequence with Loki about 29 mins in, the set is as bad as what I've seen from Star Wars and Indiana Jones...the old ones. To be fair, that is just called sticking to a genre. Ah, of course, the bad guy is English. [EDIT: I have removed my rant about Loki- I don't find him neither charismatic, no handsome, and a bad guy should be at least one but I've been told he is. I suppose he grows on you by the end]
This article was inspired by the movie but the movie is not the pivotal point in it. [NOTE: This paragraph has been edited in order to clarify that, as comments showed me that there was confusion] I am sure that those who like it have their reasons but I want to address a particular kind of audience: those who feed on such films to support their deluded fantasies of greatness. There's plenty good that has come from the US, and a silly little Bulgarian would need a lot more arrogance than I could ever muster to deny that. I don't hate Americans either, some of the best people I know are from there. The problem comes from the ones with very little knowledge of the world around them, who, however, are aggressive with their ignorance.
I do hate their indescribable ignorance, which inevitably goes hand in hand with their arrogance and self-praising. Of course you love it when Samuel Jackson so passionately delivers his line "We are at war", you fuckin' loved it 10 or so years ago, when this joke of a person told you "Either you're with us or against us". You cried that your soldiers were getting killed but you fucking loved it because you were playing the victim and the hero. And you love to see "Captain America" go fix it all, whether somebody asked you to or not. Cast an English bloke to play the bad guy, make a pitiful impression of Russia where the letters don't spell out anything but are random characters from the Cyrillic alphabet (which, btw, is not Russian, it's created by two Bulgarian brothers who studied in Thessaloniki). The you show all the main characters in random impoverished countries, where the location doesn't serve the plot, it serves to make the movie "exotic" in your twisted fantasies, where a few good US guys abroad speak a couple of phrases in this foreign language, you look up to them because you think they are all that. I can see your pants drip. Unlike most, I think there's nothing wrong with being arrogant, there's just one catch though: you must be able to pull it off. So many are under the impression that "America is the greatest country in the world". Now, there's no such thing as best country in the world, first. Second, Aaron Sorkin, via Will McAvoy, explains:
"Hey you, sorority girl. Just in case you ever walk into a voting booth, there's some things you need to know and one of them is there's absolutely no evidence to support the statement that America is the greatest country in the world. We're 7th in literacy, 27 in maths, 22 in science, 49 in infant expectancy, 178th in infant mortality [...] We lead the world in only three categories: number of incarcerated citizens per capita, adults who believe angels are real and defense spending, where we spend more than the next 26 countries, combined. Now, none of this is the fault of a 20 year old college student but you are, without a doubt, a member of the worst.generation.ever. So when you ask what makes us the greatest country in the world... I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!"
Maybe a little over the top, Sorkin style, but makes the excellent point. There is nothing wrong with being stupid. What gets me to fly off the handle is being unapologetic about it and aggressively stupid. If you don't know that Europe is not a country or that France is, that's sad, but you can learn. But don't expect me to find you ignorance fucking cute and endearing.
How can you think you are the greatest country in the world, when the vast majority (between 75%-93%, depending on different statistics) don't even hold a passport, thus haven't been to any other country? It's a vicious cycle- you assume you're the greatest country in the world because you'll eat up anything the media feeds you, and I won't even make an obesity reference here, only hint at one. Then you decide not to travel. Then you have even less information at your disposal to make such decision, reinforcing your idea that you are, indeed, the greatest country in the world.
OK, I'll go finish that movie now, maybe now that I've gotten my fristrations out, I can find something enjoyable in it. In the mean time, go play with yourself, I see you've got an erection.
1 comment:
This is a comment made by my wife, who said she was unable to post it. I am publishing it here without any edits because I think that if you feel strongly about something, you should be allowed to express it.
"Maybe I should be more selective about the blogs written by you that I read. I am not sure if this piece is born from profound misunderstanding of the sic-fi genre, misunderstanding of people who love it or just pointless spite at America. I will address the cinematography first.
We have always had different opinions when it comes to that genre. You seek some profound cleverness in it and fail to see the point of such movies. The point is not to satisfy seekers of the deeper meaning of the universe or explore the complexity of human relations. For these two there are BBC physics documentaries and Sex and the City. The point of sci-fi is to present an alternate reality that is a little bit simpler than ours in some aspects and a little bit more complicated in others. While doing so, it still connects with our reality. And, yes, it is doing so by using cliches sometimes, introducing human-like love stories and human-like wars. However the focus of sic-fi culture is not on imitating life, it is on thinking from a different perspective. What would have happened in Captain America was indeed involved in WW2. What would have happened if there was indeed an antagonist to Hitler that was just as charismatic and convincing to the masses as Hitler was himself. What would have happened to technology if someone like Tony Stark existed. It's not about fanatically idolising a shiny-armoured superhero for being able to light a candle with his ass, it's about uniting people behind a cause in times of adversity, uniting themselves behind a leader, a belief. If you condemn that, you condemn the majority of human history and advancement. Superheroes push boundaries in our minds and make us challenge our views on mundane human seekings and cravings. They are quirky, clever, extremely devoted to their cause. Is that not a great example? Isn't Tony Stark a great example of philanthropy, of using all your money to better the state of humanity. Isn't the lizard-scientist in Spiderman inspiring in his quest for finding a way of growing back missing human limbs? Those are specific examples pointing to a general point - superheroes wipe out the moral 'grayness' in everyday existence and present us the pure, stripped-out black and white human values. And society does need that! And yes, there isn't some incredibly dramatic emotional conflict - it's the good guys fighting the bad guys, that's as predictable as it gets. But the fight is glamorous, inventive, flashy, glittery, jaw-dropping and spectacular, it's grandioise! It is an American genre, standing up for one of America's greatest qualities - to spend an insane amount of money to entertain people. And, oh, boy, they do entertain people, regardless of whether you love or hate America.
Regarding America as a country, I personally doubt that an average European can tell you the capitals of the US states or even the names of the countries in Africa. Stupidity and lack of education are not an American phenomenon, they exist everywhere, just look at our very own wonderful country. Enough said. America is the continent that we see most about on the television, most movies are American, it's just the case that we have witnessed more cases of stupidity and arrogance from America, then from anywhere else, because that is what we are exposed to.
Oh, and I forgot my main point - I did find Loki fuckin hot."
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