Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it hoped there was something better on the other side.

Granted, I am in the kitchen at the moment, It's my 'creative' space, but when I say that I find myself in a weird, uncomfortable, challenging yet memorable and cherished space, it's not the kitchen I am referring to.

It's a space of change. I am neither my old sarcastic, misanthropic promiscuous self, nor the well-rounded calm, smiling and girly self that I'm slightly headed towards. Obviously, this is me being simplistic. Indeed, though, I have been making this big turn in my life and it has repercussions on all aspects- how I feel the relationships in my life should be, thus further affecting my style and external presentation, as well as my studying habits, my interests, even my hairstyle. And, inevitably, at a certain point, it becomes overwhelming. I am in the middle of this turn I am making- i've definitely started, much has changed as far as my outlook goes and I can't go back. Luckily, it seems like this change, or turn, is the right choice so I don't want to go back, either. I simply don't find within me the verbalised knowledge of what I want exactly, to come out of the turn.

I'll probably do well to be more specific. A simple thing, and it is unlikely i'm the only one who found themselves in such a situation- this new person I start to identify myself with, it simply needs a new avatar. Most of my clothes are literally exhausted from time and wearning, and I would enjoy to create a somewhat new style to match what I think i have become. However, since I haven't finalised the process, or maybe simply due to habit, i don't know what fits me. Ok, I can't say I care much about fitting into labeled boxes but not knowing how to describe yourself is frustrating. Except for the word "different"- different from my old self, and different from others, too. Maybe that should be my guideline. 


There's some definite good news! I may not have the details od dresses and shoes down but I've reached an understanding with myself on what I want out of life. My summer 2010 is shaping up to be dedicated to work and internships, which is overwhelmingly positive and something I really am looking forward to. It's amazing what would have felt like 'sacrifice' at a certain point of maturity, or career pressure, becomes inspiring and a priority. Sure, the few weeks i will probably spend in Sophia will be anticipated to but anticipation makes it better, someone used to say. Though, it's probably not what he had in mind.


Being single is something i've enjoyed immensely but all good times must come to an end. I am ready to tip the scales in the opposite direction. If there's anything i've learned in the past two months, it's that I am ready to give. Of course, the difficult part is not deciding to give but finding whom to give it to. 


As it goes, I've always had someone beside me to receive from. It's time that I gave some of it back. My lovely Yulianka has been there for me, though thick and thin for 14 years and she's been there for me in these last months of self-improvement, doubt and motivation. My family, too, have been a support for since I can remember, and despite all turbulent times, I can honestly say nothing compares to the calamity of coming back home. I can only hope they see a better person, when I am all done with carving and polishing the new me- I intend to smile more, love more and be a kinder person. I really do.